After playing Robot Unicorn Attack 2, a game that challenges my very existence, I now know what my childhood was missing: unicorns. Lots and lots of unicorns.
While randomly sifting through the endless universe that is the App Store, I came across something glorious: an epic tale of sacrifice, love, revenge and relationships.
Also, flying whales. And laser-shooting robots. Oh, and fairies. Lots and lots of fairies. And pink mountains.
Flying whales and shit, yo!
Someone asked me to sum up Robot Unicorn Attack 2 in a short sentence. I said: “Endless erraticness fueled by a senseless desire to control the world and everything in it.”
Then someone asked me to sum up Robot Unicorn Attack 2 in an action. I did this:
Then someone asked me to find the human equivalent of Robot Unicorn Attack 2. Nicki Minaj. No doubt about it.
Then someone asked me to compare Robot Unicorn Attack 2 to a human emotion. I said self-loathing, maybe even racial self-hatred.
Then someone asked me to associate Robot Unicorn Attack 2 to an important social event. I said, “Anything underground, and anything where pants aren’t involved.”
Then someone asked me if they should download Robot Unicorn Attacks 2.
I said yes.
And the heavens opened, the seas bubbled boiling hot, and the angels fell. And then Robot Unicorn appeared and said, “Download me, for I am God.”
PS. I still don’t know what I just played.
The best game you'll ever play is now available on the App Store. It's free, but upgrades and music come with a price. Like your soul.